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小さな夢の箱 v1.1

Love

I can't believe I am blogging again. But I need somewhere to vent my frustration.

The reason? お嬢様に恋してる。あるいは、お姫様に恋をしている。サレナが大好きです。

What is love? I always believed in the magic of love. But for every bit of joy it has brought me, it promises to return me in sadness ten-fold.

Would I rather have not loved her? I only wished that I could turn back time to 2 1/2 years ago. i would have changed so many things. Tried to be a better person. Protected her from the demon. Did my best not to make her sad. But it is all too late. She will be going, and she has someone else to love her. And she probably deserves the person too. He will definitely be able to give her a better life than i can.

What a poor loser like me do to deserve her? Nothing. She is way above my station. Why would she even look at me when there is an MD to look after her. An ambition-less, dumbass otaku who does not look or talk well does not deserve a princess by his side.

But I do treasure the moments she has given me. The few pseudo-dates... were the best i ever had. Beggars can't be choosers can they? The outing at the park, the movie, the museum trip, the jogs....how I wish i could relive them over and over again. Only in my mind ... once she goes back to Shanghai.

i just can't get her out of my mind. Every waking thought is spent thinking of her. How she will be gone soon. This is driving me mad. And I still can't confess to her, for fear that I will not be able to see her again next time. Should i confess? The problem with confession is the fear of the harsh reality that will soon follow. The inevitable rejection. if she is kind, she might do it gently, but somehow I don't think so. The tough princess will play it straight and my already broken heart will be shattered into a million irretrievable pieces.

Would it have been better not to fall in love with her? i don't know. but it was not an option that i could have chosen. it just happened. Thinking of her soft smooth face makes me smile. Her gentle smile is angelic, and her laugh... i love to make her laugh. It is heart-stopping. Just hearing her say "Thank you, Darren." is enough. She is not perfect, but to me she is worth more than any other idol I can think of. i would sacrifice myself for her, if need be. i just want to make her happy. Will hiding in the darkness make it so?

お姫様、幸せに。

What should I do??????? i know I can only be happy if i can be with her. yet that it is not something i can control. And will she be happy with me? When I consider that sometimes i think that it is indeed a pointless existence. Why bother living if it is in constant heartache? 片思いのは一番一番辛いことでしょう。 The truth is that to quote Portishead, nobody loves me. And it is a sad, harsh but true reality.

i am just a coward. But a coward also has his day of reckoning, and mine is coming soon. I just need to know WHAT to do.
by montevi77 | 2010-02-05 01:47 | Personal
<< PAIN It's 2006!.... >>



邦楽について色々の思いみんなに届け!

by montevi77
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